So today is the day of a friend's funeral. He committed suicide on tuesday.
Him and I were great friends in high school, but we lost touch after that.
...boy, do I have regrets.
I wish that I had kept contact. I wish that he didn't kill himself. I wish that I sent him the message on facebook (yes, crackbook) that I was meaning to do, I also wish I could go to his funeral.
...It's today... And I was working.
People my age (early 20's p.s) should not be burying their friends, we shouldn't be going to their funerals. We might go to your friend's grandparent's funeral. even their parents. But it somehow seems unatural and unholy to be going to a memorial or viewing of your friend.
I have never done well with death.
It also doesn't help that I also recently tried to kill myself (more about that later, folks).
I feel mighty low that he succeeded where I failed. Not that I want to succeed! I just hope that I don't go out like that. That people say they like me only because I'm dead.
I posted my status (yes, crackbook again) as R.I.P Pie Guy.. and everyone goes "I know how you feel! It's so sad, we were close"
No you bloody were not!
You didn't talk to him everyday, you didnt't go visit him in the hospital the last time he tried to off himself. you didn't care until he was a cold corpse in a square box!
Today, I drove past the place where his funeral was taking place and saw all the cars, getting ready for the procession. I just wanted to cry! I could not be there.
And then...
I had to wear heinous ugly bright yellow shirt! It was for a promotion at the store I work at.
They ordered me an XL
... I'm a medium!
So I felt like total shit, had to work, and looked like a fat-fat!
Don't get me wrong I ain't no twig! I am a very very curvy girl, that people mistake for fat, but it used to be fat. I used to be over 100 lbs more than I am now, but this didn't really help my self esteem.
God has a cruel sense of humor (if he exists)!
Well at least I got a nifty nickname out of it... Pikachu!
My others friends were: Magic school bus, banana in pajama, and bumblebee
I might just go the whole week saying "Pikachu", stay as in tune as I can with the character.
... that might not go very well when talking to customers.
"Where's the Bread?"
"Pikachu!"
"Pardon..."
... I hope I don't get fired!
I don't mean to be rude here, but did you ever consider that those people, or person, who commented on your status is maybe going through some big regrets too. That maybe just because you didn't realize that they were close friends with Pie Guy at one time too doesn't mean it's not true.
ReplyDeleteRealize that the reason they "didn't talk everyday" or the reason they "didn't go visit him while he was in the hospital" when he tried it before was because no one had told them until he was already back at home.
Before you start to make your own judgments realize that you might not know everything about the friendship they had with Pie Guy.
Because in this case I know at least one of the people who commented on your status...and they are extremely displace by the loss of their friend...regardless of how close they were at the time of his death.